My cousin D.J. pointed out to me about a year ago that I don't call my cat Maggie by her real name much. Maggie has a lot of nick names.
I call her:
Mays
Mag
Mags
Magpie
Maggers
May-May
Fuzzy
Fuzz-Fuzz
Fatty
Stinky
Silly
Poopy
Dumb-Dumb
Butt-Butt
Lover Girl
Kitty
Kit-Cat
Crazy girl
She answers to anything.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
Random Quotes #2
I am so bad at updating my blog! Here are a few more quotes from the awesome patients I have the pleasure of working with:
“I don’t need to go to the dentist. My teeth are so strong they can bite through a telephone pole.”
“God is tiny, someday they will make a microscope powerful enough to see Him in my heart- He is tiny but very very Powerful Jacene!”
“I prayed last night you would see the face of God in the clouds, you know, the eye in the horses nose.”
“your office smells like someone pulled tirds out of their butt and put them all over the place!”
“This is reality Jacene, get off your computer and get into it.”
“How do you like my hair? I dyed it over the weekend.” (she used an egg coloring kit)
“A genius is 99% perspiration, 1% inspiration.”
“Where does your lap go when you stand up?”
“I have to sleep on my right side, if I sleep on my left I get nightmares.”
“Take me to Burger Whopper to get a HUGE Mac. I’ll take you to seven hundred in seven if you take me in your hover craft.” (I took him to Burger King and he tried to order pizza)
“I’m in a punk rock band with your husband.”
“Your husband is a foxy piece of man meat, I could just eat him up.”
“God told me last night you were going to have quadruplets when you get pregnant next month. The babies all will come out smiling, because you are such a nice person.”
“I eat a lot of ketchup so my blood stays good and red.”
“They put Botox in the food here, that’s why my hair is always sticking up.”
Quotes from a patient who is obsessed with bananas:
“I cancelled your credit cards- now you cant buy bananas"
"You got to work late today because you were home eating bananas without me again.”
“Jacene if you don’t stop eating bananas, I’m going to cancel all your credit cards again.”
“If you eat an over ripe banana you will get a mushy heart.”
“If you eat a banana that is too green you will get shorter.”
“I planted a banana outside so you won’t have to buy them and have them rot on your desk anymore, you will be able to pick a fresh one every morning.”
“I don’t need to go to the dentist. My teeth are so strong they can bite through a telephone pole.”
“God is tiny, someday they will make a microscope powerful enough to see Him in my heart- He is tiny but very very Powerful Jacene!”
“I prayed last night you would see the face of God in the clouds, you know, the eye in the horses nose.”
“your office smells like someone pulled tirds out of their butt and put them all over the place!”
“This is reality Jacene, get off your computer and get into it.”
“How do you like my hair? I dyed it over the weekend.” (she used an egg coloring kit)
“A genius is 99% perspiration, 1% inspiration.”
“Where does your lap go when you stand up?”
“I have to sleep on my right side, if I sleep on my left I get nightmares.”
“Take me to Burger Whopper to get a HUGE Mac. I’ll take you to seven hundred in seven if you take me in your hover craft.” (I took him to Burger King and he tried to order pizza)
“I’m in a punk rock band with your husband.”
“Your husband is a foxy piece of man meat, I could just eat him up.”
“God told me last night you were going to have quadruplets when you get pregnant next month. The babies all will come out smiling, because you are such a nice person.”
“I eat a lot of ketchup so my blood stays good and red.”
“They put Botox in the food here, that’s why my hair is always sticking up.”
Quotes from a patient who is obsessed with bananas:
“I cancelled your credit cards- now you cant buy bananas"
"You got to work late today because you were home eating bananas without me again.”
“Jacene if you don’t stop eating bananas, I’m going to cancel all your credit cards again.”
“If you eat an over ripe banana you will get a mushy heart.”
“If you eat a banana that is too green you will get shorter.”
“I planted a banana outside so you won’t have to buy them and have them rot on your desk anymore, you will be able to pick a fresh one every morning.”
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Random Quotes and Sayings #1
I have been at this job since July 2007, here are some of the things I have had the pleasure of hearing:
"I'm a ghost, I am off to the hospital to get some blood."
"Will you take me home?"
"I own your home"
"I can pick up 6000 pounds with only my pinky finger"
"I'm having your car towed."
Me: “How did you loose your front teeth?” Resonse: "I got shot in the head, and I swallowed the bullet, then I caught the other two bullets in my hands."
"WOW! It's snowing! But it's so hot!" -referring to cotton tress.
"I can't have sex with a mortal woman, my sperm is too powerful."
"V.I.P. means Very-Im-Portant!" “It also means Victory Is Pooping!”
"I want to thank everyone who voted for me for the smartest person in the world, I came in second after Jacene and Oprah."
"My uterus itches."
“I want to be a butterfly, because they have sex when they die.”
"Don't play the game, Let the game come to you."
"Enjoy Ketchup!"
"Can I have some Mylanta, I have a foul feeling in my stomach, I had pancakes, bacon, Purina and orange juice for breakfast."
"It's going to be ok, we are part of the cat family."
"Mary had an Immaculate Conception…baby Jesus came and appeared in Mary's arms, she screamed. But it was ok, Joseph body-smashed her into submission."
This is only the beginning!
"I'm a ghost, I am off to the hospital to get some blood."
"Will you take me home?"
"I own your home"
"I can pick up 6000 pounds with only my pinky finger"
"I'm having your car towed."
Me: “How did you loose your front teeth?” Resonse: "I got shot in the head, and I swallowed the bullet, then I caught the other two bullets in my hands."
"WOW! It's snowing! But it's so hot!" -referring to cotton tress.
"I can't have sex with a mortal woman, my sperm is too powerful."
"V.I.P. means Very-Im-Portant!" “It also means Victory Is Pooping!”
"I want to thank everyone who voted for me for the smartest person in the world, I came in second after Jacene and Oprah."
"My uterus itches."
“I want to be a butterfly, because they have sex when they die.”
"Don't play the game, Let the game come to you."
"Enjoy Ketchup!"
"Can I have some Mylanta, I have a foul feeling in my stomach, I had pancakes, bacon, Purina and orange juice for breakfast."
"It's going to be ok, we are part of the cat family."
"Mary had an Immaculate Conception…baby Jesus came and appeared in Mary's arms, she screamed. But it was ok, Joseph body-smashed her into submission."
This is only the beginning!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
"Mr. Pickles" #1
OK… I caved I am starting a blog. I really don’t know how to write well and this is kind of weird for me to do, but it is going to be fun I think. I am going to start out by giving you a few stories about a certain patient who I think is so cool and interesting. So the next couple blogs I think are going to be about him. I hope you enjoy =)
I want to tell you about one of my favorite patients, he is no longer at the facility I work at, which is sad, but I am glad to have met him. If he saw you at Walmart he would probably say hi and act like he knew you. Due to confidentiality and because you don’t really care what his name is anyways I am going to call him Mr. Pickles. You will find out why later. At any rate… the second day I started my job working with Schizophrenic and other mentally ill adults, I bought Mr. Pickles and ice cream cone from McDonalds, we went inside McDonalds and I was also with my boss and some other patients there was about 10 of us, my boss interrupted a conversation we were having and said “Mr. Pickles make sure you don’t eat the ice cream cone wrapper.” I thought it was weird she told him not to eat it… Some time past by and Mr. Pickles finished his ice cream and my boss asked him “did you eat the wrapper?” Mr. Pickles laughed hysterically in response with the remaining wrapper particles showing in his mouth. Since it was my second day on the job, I didn’t know how to respond to this and I asked my boss “What have I got myself into?” Her response: “You have no idea Jacene” I really had no idea.
Mr. Pickles is very cute, he had a grand total of 2 teeth in his mouth and they were the front top 2 teeth. When he smiled you had to smile too, he looked like Bucky Beaver. Every day without fail he would ask for a pickle, usually like this “Stayceene, take me to get a pickle!” There was a gas station close by that would sell those giant pickles, sometimes I would cave in and take him. Mr. Pickles was clumsy, you know how those giant pickles come in a plastic wrapper and they are full of pickle juice, he would ALWAYS get all of the juice on the front of his jacket! When he finally succeeded in opening the package (because nobody could help him because “Stayceene I can milk a cow perfect, I can open a wrapper”) Mr. Pickles would fist the giant pickle and devour it in 1minute, smelling like a vinegary mess for the rest of the day! I don’t know how he ate it that fast with 2 teeth! Incedible! We kept a jar of pickles in our office for him when we did not feel like dealing with the mess of that! Anyways, this is why I am calling him Mr. Pickles!
Ok… enough for now. Sorry I said pickle so much… the next post wont… I promise
writing this was more fun than I thought!
I want to tell you about one of my favorite patients, he is no longer at the facility I work at, which is sad, but I am glad to have met him. If he saw you at Walmart he would probably say hi and act like he knew you. Due to confidentiality and because you don’t really care what his name is anyways I am going to call him Mr. Pickles. You will find out why later. At any rate… the second day I started my job working with Schizophrenic and other mentally ill adults, I bought Mr. Pickles and ice cream cone from McDonalds, we went inside McDonalds and I was also with my boss and some other patients there was about 10 of us, my boss interrupted a conversation we were having and said “Mr. Pickles make sure you don’t eat the ice cream cone wrapper.” I thought it was weird she told him not to eat it… Some time past by and Mr. Pickles finished his ice cream and my boss asked him “did you eat the wrapper?” Mr. Pickles laughed hysterically in response with the remaining wrapper particles showing in his mouth. Since it was my second day on the job, I didn’t know how to respond to this and I asked my boss “What have I got myself into?” Her response: “You have no idea Jacene” I really had no idea.
Mr. Pickles is very cute, he had a grand total of 2 teeth in his mouth and they were the front top 2 teeth. When he smiled you had to smile too, he looked like Bucky Beaver. Every day without fail he would ask for a pickle, usually like this “Stayceene, take me to get a pickle!” There was a gas station close by that would sell those giant pickles, sometimes I would cave in and take him. Mr. Pickles was clumsy, you know how those giant pickles come in a plastic wrapper and they are full of pickle juice, he would ALWAYS get all of the juice on the front of his jacket! When he finally succeeded in opening the package (because nobody could help him because “Stayceene I can milk a cow perfect, I can open a wrapper”) Mr. Pickles would fist the giant pickle and devour it in 1minute, smelling like a vinegary mess for the rest of the day! I don’t know how he ate it that fast with 2 teeth! Incedible! We kept a jar of pickles in our office for him when we did not feel like dealing with the mess of that! Anyways, this is why I am calling him Mr. Pickles!
Ok… enough for now. Sorry I said pickle so much… the next post wont… I promise
writing this was more fun than I thought!
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