Random Quotes and Sayings #1

I have been at this job since July 2007, here are some of the things I have had the pleasure of hearing:

"I'm a ghost, I am off to the hospital to get some blood."
"Will you take me home?"
"I own your home"
"I can pick up 6000 pounds with only my pinky finger"
"I'm having your car towed."
Me: “How did you loose your front teeth?” Resonse: "I got shot in the head, and I swallowed the bullet, then I caught the other two bullets in my hands."
"WOW! It's snowing! But it's so hot!" -referring to cotton tress.
"I can't have sex with a mortal woman, my sperm is too powerful."
"V.I.P. means Very-Im-Portant!" “It also means Victory Is Pooping!”
"I want to thank everyone who voted for me for the smartest person in the world, I came in second after Jacene and Oprah."
"My uterus itches."
“I want to be a butterfly, because they have sex when they die.”
"Don't play the game, Let the game come to you."
"Enjoy Ketchup!"
"Can I have some Mylanta, I have a foul feeling in my stomach, I had pancakes, bacon, Purina and orange juice for breakfast."
"It's going to be ok, we are part of the cat family."
"Mary had an Immaculate Conception…baby Jesus came and appeared in Mary's arms, she screamed. But it was ok, Joseph body-smashed her into submission."


This is only the beginning!